Expectation Hurts

This word “expectation” made an strong impact in my journey since childhood. I remember when I was still a student, I always make myself believed that I should be the one to get the highest score in every examinations. Overconfident..am I?
“wink”. I felt very dismayed and disappointed whenever I couldn’t get that expectation. Well, how i wished I should have studied more that time…hmm, sort of student blues.

The reality is, we cannot always get whatever we wanted, no matter how much time,effort, talent and love we put in it. Somehow, yes it may seem true but it doesn’t mean we just stop there.  Probably, it was not just meant for us or there is more better handful offer lying ahead.
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My principle is that in helping others means not expecting anything in return. Definitely, I don’t. But behind my mind was telling and whispering  that I wished this person I helped with may grow, improve and help his/her own.  It maybe disappointing somehow not to see doing their part, at least I ‘ve done my part. After all, we live int his world with a purpose.

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Reality speaks. In love and friendship, expectation maybe a root of a heartaches.
Several times I’ve fallen because I expected more from them and would be willing to do that much for them. I am not a hard person. But being a passive one I think brought me to be a person “taken for granted”. I don’t blame them because seemingly I allowed myself to be part of it. Crazy it may sound but it made me realize to love myself more. The pain made me realized that no one can truly love you until you love yourself. So the journey must continue. Forgive, forget and forbear.

Nobody hurts you..only expectation.

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Beyond Doubt

Presenting yourself to new people is not easy, we know it. There’s a temptation to just wave your hand to everyone and sit quietly in dark corner somewhere.

Two days ago, I grabbed the chance to officially join the local running club, the Doha Bay Running Club (DBRC) here in Qatar. You can visit their site at http://dohabayrunningclub.com. From the time I fell in love with this sports, (running) behind my mind was telling me to have this goal of joining marathon one day. And when will that day be? I don’t know.  Maybe in time..at the right time and I will make it sure to post here one day once I’ve done it “wink”. I know it will take me a lot of trainings and preparations. I’ve been following this group for quite sometime now but did not had the chance to join them in actual runs. It was only two days ago when I took the courage to join and to appear physically. At first, I was so shy and hesitant because I really don’t know when to start introducing myself. Will it be that formal? Who am I? Are they gonna ask me of so many things? I was so nervous. Such inferiority attacked!
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The agreed time for the start was 4:30am, in front of the coffee shop. I arrived there about 5:00am. Terrible! I was bit late! Everybody was already out! Grav! I was disappointed to myself and almost felt hopeless to join the group. Fortunately, there was one guy sitting at the corner who happened to arrived earlier than the group. So I took the courage to ask if he was one of the member, and indeed he was! So, I made casual talked with him while waiting for the others to arrive. Finally here they came. There was one lady who waved on me, a gesture of invitation like telling me to join them, so I did! We continued running for about 5km more and normal conversation began until we’ve finished the loop. The group had a simple meeting and coffee afterwards. It was successful day for me. None of those worries, doubts and hesitations in my mind happened. Everything turned out great! Truly, doubt can only be removed by action.

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Dealing with Patience

 

How do I react with sensitive people.

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Today I just had a conflict with my co-worker and I felt sorry about it really.
Now I am trying to assess myself if am I the one sensitive or the other side?

After work last night I took shower and went directly to my room for rest and slept because there were new transfer roomates moving in our flat. As I woke up this morning, I noticed that the router of our internet in the living room turned black. I wondered why it’s black now while before it was color white. I don’t know what suddenly comes to my mind. I tried to recall what was really its color. So, this morning I asked my colleague if they replaced our router with the new one. That question was nothing for me, I was just really asking. She answered no. They did not move anything there. So ok fine. It’s a nonsense question and that was nothing to me. I thought everything was ok. Then suddenly the other one new roomate came to me in a high voice asking me why am I questioning them? And she went back to her seat crying in anger and mumbling..this is too much!. Those were her exact words.Oh my God! What’s wrong?? What did I do? what did I say? So I went to her seat and tried to explain my side that I was just asking and for me it was not a big deal really. But the tune of her voice and questioning me as if I was accusing them got into my nerves. For many times in a calm voice I said it was nothing..but she continued blaah..blaah…blaah. So I just went back to my seat and assessed myself, was it my fault?

Everyday we deal with different people, with different backgrounds, with different characters. I have read so many articles, suggestions and ideas on how to deal with irate, sensitive and difficult people. I admit, it’s easy to read, understand and imagine scenarios. But the real challenge is when you are already in the situation. How would I have handled it? After the heated arguments, I can’t even recall what were the words that came out of my mouth during those times. I think both of us just hurt our egos. That’s it!

In the process, I will humble myself enough to say sorry whether it was my fault or not. This life had so much for me that I have no time dealing with sensitive people and nonsense things.

Just a self-reminder.

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A Wound

Why do people live, but one day dies,
Why do woman loves,but one day cries
Why when everything seems perfect,
All of a sudden a catastrophe arrives

They say that when you love, you’re mentally ill
Sometimes, when you’re in a cloud 9,
You gamble principles and risk your dreams
But what the hell is wrong with love?

It makes you crazy.
It makes you smile.
It makes you inspired
Or makes you cry.

Life is what we make it
Either to give up or survive
In this world of changes,
There can be no turning back

After all, we are just mortals
With emotions and limitations
One day, we’ll all gonna die
What matters, is the good deeds we left behind.

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#Sympathy

This morning, I got the chance to donate my clothes that were still really good quality I think i only wear those when I was in my 57 kilos,”wink”. It’s a heavenly feeling when you do or give something to someone you don’t even know personally. Actually, this is my third time to do this. The first time was two weeks ago. While I was having my regular jogging, I’ve seen this bin for clothes donation located in about front of Al Arrabi Sports Stadium

I thought why don’t just donate my old clothes that I no longer use instead of letting them pile up in my cabinet or just throwing them in the garbage. This is also a chance for me to reach out to those who are in need of clothing. I may not be that wealthy to donate cash, because to be honest, I am just one also of those trying to make ends meet, but I think with this simple way, someone else can be happy.

There are millions of people around the world that wish they could get the clothes that we throw in the garbage.

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The Power of Giving

A very familiar saying that goes..the more you give, the more you shall receive.!

While taking a shower today, worrying and counting the days how to survive before salary comes,  a typical employee like me who tried to make ends meet, a sudden memory popped out in my mind…the power of giving.

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Once, I met a friend who has no work, no place to stay, and a total stranger for me and in this country. Upon looking at him, I knew what he needed. The very basic need. The food.

I packed a sandwich and gave it to him. I wished that there will be more generous people who could help him more than I did as I watched him go.
The following day, our road crossed again and by that time it was me who has nothing to offer but a QR5.00 that was a USD1.37!Gosh!
What can we buy with this amount?
We both laughed and without a second thought, we went to a nearby restaurant and  tried to buy at least a piece of bread and water. We’ve waited for a couple of minutes and the crew handed us a plastic of food! It was more than what we’ve ordered! I told the crew he might got it wronged.

He just smiled and handed us the whole roasted chicken, a soup and salad! To our surprised, he was the supervisor in charge of the store! Wow! Hamdullah! Thanks to the generosity of this man. May he be blessed more! I really don’t know were to grasp the words “thank you”  to expressed how really  thankful we are from the bottom of our hearts.

While we were enjoying the free food, my friend confessed that he gave the half of the sandwich I gave him the other day to the street sweeper he saw.
Oh my God! I stopped from eating and a goosebumps reigned my whole body. God really never sleeps. He really works in mysterious ways.

So as today, I should worry nothing. Instead, believe in the power of faith and prayer because miracles do happen!

Believe!

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Au revoir

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It was like watching a romantic movie last night but this time the actress was no other than me!
Whew! Our eyes met and with a heavy heart, I tried to control my emotions..
Emotions of joy,faith,love and lost.
I wanna show how strong I am while seeing you entering the departure area.
Having a friend, a sports buddy, a brother, and a lover for quite sometime is like an awesome dream that I’d wished I had never woken up.
We may be apart for now and it may be hard for a while
But life must go on.
Our journey must continue.

au revoir pour le moment mon amour
mais a biento’t! j’taime beaucoup!

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