A happy mother’s day to all moms out there!
I would confess, as much as possible I don’t like dramas. I don’t want anybody else see me crying. Some friends call me “rocket pocket”, energetic girl, jolly, with sense of humor and even witty. I thank God for blessing me with those qualities.
But unmasked me, and you will see ocean of tears and a bleeding heart in pierce.
Upon entering office today, friends greeted me with a “happy mother’s day”. I was thankful of course hearing those greetings. I answered them with “thanks, but will you define to me the word happy?”. Did I sound that harsh?
I am so grateful that I still have my mama up to this moment. She showed me how to be strong and be that image of strength to their children. From waking up in the morning, doing household chores up to preparing our beds to sleep on at night. I saw how she managed to divide one whole scrambled egg to her 5 children. I witnessed how she surpassed all the pains she had to endure to make our family whole and intact. I saw in her eyes the sharp pain the time she saw me broke. Though I never let her see me in pain I knew she wanted to hug me and tell me that she is there all the time.
I wish she would have more life so that I can catch up those times I was not on her side. From million miles away, I called her up this morning, greeted her, thanked her for everything she has done, for being there all the time, for taking care of my boy, letting her hear my voice in a cheerful way but to be honest my tears was about to burst. I sipped cup of coffee so she wouldn’t notice my quivering voice instead. I missed mama so much and wanted to hug her tight. For 4 years we’ve been apart not counting those times I missed the chance of attending her needs. Me, as her only daughter. I feel guilty.
Yes. I am too a mother.
A single parent.
I have stretchmarks.
I make mistakes, sometimes choose the wrong path, I cry, I laugh, I smile, but at the end of the day been so blessed to celebrate 9 years of motherhood to a nine year old son. A memory of scenario leaving him behind and not seeing him for couple of years is dagger that always pierce me. I may not know how to be a parent at this moment but will always find ways to make it work even I don’t know yet when, how or when. I would want to be an image of strong woman on his sight. I would make him feel I am his first love, first girlfriend, his confidant, his best friend and his forever no matter what.. It’s the LOVE that makes me push through, every single time.
Sending the world an indescribable mother’s love.